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Your Stupid Josh Gordon Conspiracies

Your Stupid Josh Gordon Conspiracies

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I wake up in the morning and really try to get in a positive mindset about the world. I fill up my coffee, spit in my hands for a Big Papi clap, grab my hard hat and get to work (I work from home so it’s a proverbial hard hat).

But later in the day is when I get to reading comments on sports pages, most notably on Josh Gordon as of late. I’d like to say some of the conspiracies blow my mind, but it’s par for the course on the internet.

New England Patriots wide receiver Josh Gordon speaks to the media after an NFL football game against the New York Jets, Sunday, Sept. 22, 2019, in Foxborough, Mass. (AP Photo/Elise Amendola)

Let me preempt this by saying I respect the man and what he’s done to bring himself back. From a human perspective, it’s got to make you proud that New England was a place to revive his career as well as himself.

Moving onto the full blown jerries that have been commenting all over the internet with conviction about what’s going on:

  1. Josh Gordon is headed back to rehab. Is it possible? Of course it is, he’s had a hard history with this stuff. Do you have any proof of this whatsoever? Nah, no you don’t. I saw multiple comments declaring this with certainty. Pointing to his history with comments like “he’ll never change,” or “he’s not reliable because of this.” The amount of misery in these comments just shows a person who doesn’t believe anything good can happen. That a guy like Josh can come back and right himself. It happens, it can happen to Josh, and I hope he continues doing well. And also the tone of thinking you’re better than someone because they’re going something like that? A true sign of someone with low emotional intelligence. Grow up.
  2. The Patriots will resign him. You just don’t know how waivers work and that’s fine. Once released, there’s a list of NFL teams who have a shot at him, starting with the worst teams (Dolphins, Bengals) working to the best (49ers and, uh, the New England Patriots). For the Pats to re-sign him, he’d have to slip through 31 other teams. Teams are incentivized to pick him up because they will get a compensatory pick if he signs with another squad in free agency after the year. Do you think Flash will slip through all 31 teams knowing they only have to pay $850K for a draft pick? Grow a brain.
  3. Flash was cut for salary cap reasons. Patriots were tight to the salary cap but they did not cut Josh to get $2M off the books. There was a wide receiver that was acquired by the Patriots named Mohammed Sanu last week if you remember? He played for the Falcons previously. Guys pretty good. Bill needed to free a roster spot and decided that Josh Gordon wasn’t reliable from a football perspective (cue the miserable jack wagons from point #1 above, you still have no proof you skid mark). There are 53 roster spots. When you have 54, you are 1 over the limit. Just helping you out there, I know it was a brain buster, didn’t want you busting out calculators.
  4. They’re making room for Antonio Brown. What in God’s name? Sure, in the 1% chance Kraft decides to bring Brown back, they would need cap space. The $2M off the books makes a little room for that to happen. But Josh was put on the IR because they needed 👏a 👏fucking 👏 roster👏 spot👏 for👏 Sanu. Do we need to criminalize weed again? How stoned are you to forget about what happened last week and to generate a conspiracy about this being a plan for AB? You need to stop watching football and go sit in your yard to wait for aliens. They’re coming guys, just don’t forget why you’re sitting out there.
  5. He was put on IR because he was actually hurt. Decent thought track. Bravo, the one that makes sense. Train of thought: injured reserve is for injured people, so he must be hurt. Nah. He was put there because if the Pats held onto him, the team picking him up after the deadline would have to cover around half the contract for this year. No room on the roster? Toss him on IR for a week and a half. Then release him. Which is what happened.

Alright. I’m done. Read some of your favorite comments below:

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