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Would You Take Antonio Brown?

Would You Take Antonio Brown?

 

If you didn’t hear the news, Antonio Brown danced as a hippo on national television last night. I guess Nick Cannon is somehow hosting another show. I wonder if these stations understand there are more hosts in the world than Nick Cannon or Ryan Seacrest? Seems like any time one of these gimmicky shows are advertised in between NFL games it’s one of these jokers. Whatever.

Here’s an update of the Steelers situation. *Also note that the dude on the left has a hearing radius of 109 square miles*

Radio and TV are going to bash Antonio Brown for this. I don’t care if you want to dance like a hippo in your spare time. No-one should care. He probably shot this a month ago. But it’s just hilarious that this aired after the mess of a week he had with the Steelers. I can picture Mike Tomlin and the owners pulling their hair out in a meeting. They’re sitting at one of those long marble tables trying to discuss what’s going to happen with Antonio Money Bags. Not an easy decision to make. Then they turn on the TV to take a break and he’s on NBC singing and dancing dressed like a safari animal. Priceless. Well, not priceless, dude’s worth $68M.

The Steelers are looking like they’ll be moving on from AB. Mike Tomlin discussed the he left the team high and dry in their “darkest hour.” My question is would you want Brown on your team?

There is way more to this story than just what happened last week. He’s had a number of different blow ups and distractions over the course of his career. Remember he went live on Facebook during Mike Tomlin’s post game speech? How about his temper tantrum because Ben didn’t throw him the ball…when they scored a touchdown. Could actually choose any one of his tantrums.

Somewhere in the world, there’s a graph with two lines. One representing extreme narcissistic sociopathic tendencies labeled as “talent and love for the game,” the other being team cohesiveness. I’m not going to attempt to make that graph for you because I’m not exactly the sharpest spoon in the red tool box. But squint your eyes and try to picture it. It will look something like this.

The Steelers are far to the right. Very far. You can say the ascending line is Antonio Brown. Fuck it, throw in Bell too.

The team admitted that the whole debacle put them “out of sorts,” as one teammate described it. I don’t think as fans we realize how big these personalities are. In the NFL, having your squad on the same page and working together is incredibly important (see the New England Patriots 20 year run). I also realize that I sound like a Little League Coach. I’m not ready to strap on my Air Monarchs and start making clean and corny jokes but it’s true.

So Antonio Brown. Nah. I’m good. He’ll be playing in the south somewhere. Probably a mediocre team with an animal on their helmet. Cardinals maybe. He’ll do more Dominoes commercials, smile a shit ton because he’ll get 100 targets a game and the squad will go 7-9 but he’ll be happy as a clam.

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